Duck!

History

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has made a startling discovery in
finding the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving
it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would
normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to
complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years. It does not decay,
but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since
each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes.

This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe
that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical
morass deposits. The location of Governmentium deposits is found in
every state capital. with a mother lode in Washington, D.C.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an
element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has
half as many peons, but twice as many morons.

Funny that...

Actual Medical Record Entries Mistakes From Doctors

Discharge status: alive but without permission.

The patient has been depressed ever since
she began seeing me in 1983.

The patient refused an autopsy.

The patient has no past history of suicides.

Patient has left his white blood cells
at another hospital.

Between you and me, we ought to be able
to get this lady pregnant.

She is numb from her toes down.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Since she can’t get pregnant with her husband,
I thought you would like to work her up.

Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

Both breasts are equal and reactive
to light and accommodation.

Have you calculated your retirement?

Do you work edbear??

  I have been known to...